The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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