do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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