why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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