How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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