member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
