Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
