Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
