loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How naked do you want me to be?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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