Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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