a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
