He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
