Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
