There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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