I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
