i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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