some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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