the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
