there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
