she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
