ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
