Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
