I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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