McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize