trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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