If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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