So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
