The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
