can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize