you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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