his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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