you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
