did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I love you.
Bad choice
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
