i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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