Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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