Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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