You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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