He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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