I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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