finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
