Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
