There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
