dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
