He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
