she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
