ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
