I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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