Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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