You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
