Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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