I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
