Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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