i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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