I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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