she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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