I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
