i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize