he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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