I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is Oprah even human
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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