Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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