She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Randomize
