My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
