why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize