omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
