So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
