Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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