just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
