I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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