I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
birth control should be required to get into college
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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