Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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