Me too!
If that was your dad, he is hot
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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