actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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