i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
