another moral hangover. fuck.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
