Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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