my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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