Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just google imaged poop.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
