Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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