So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
