my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize