I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
