my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
