She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
