The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
