i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am spending my child support on dildos
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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