Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize