dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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