dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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