i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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