How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
