He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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