even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
