I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize