btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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