I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
