i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
