i need an iv and a liver transplant
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Terrible idea I love it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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