My balls are so social today.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
