I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
