Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize