i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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