is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
