I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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