Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
