Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
