Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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